


(Don't) Leave Me Alone With My Thoughts

by chaosinwriting



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Drowning, Fire, Hurt No Comfort, Poor Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Read this at your own risk, Seriously none, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, being trapped in ice, serious trigger warnings, the others are only mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosinwriting/pseuds/chaosinwriting
Summary: Remus knew that this day would come. The day where Janus got accepted. The day where Janus’ door disappeared from the dark corner of the subconscious and completely shrouded the area in darkness.HEED THE WARNINGS!!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	(Don't) Leave Me Alone With My Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: being left alone, burning alive, drowning, Patton literally crumbles apart, things coming out of the mouth eyes and nose, Logan shuts down, Janus gets his scales pulled off, Roman gets impaled, crying alone
> 
> All of the things with the sides are in Remus' imagination, dw the sides are actually fine.
> 
> ...Except for Remus.

Remus understood why the others were afraid of him. He, in fact, understood more than anyone else why no one wanted to be around him. Everything he represented had negative connotations. He was "dark" creativity, in charge of the dark and disturbing. The more mature themes that no one dared to explore. He was the embodiment of intrusive thoughts, the things that kept Thomas up, the things that made him wonder how strong his moral compass actually was. 

His existence did nothing but harm Thomas. The other so-called "dark sides" had positives. Good things that outweighed the bad.

Although being the embodiment of anxiety, Virgil was still essential to Thomas' health and wellbeing. He was vigilant. That ever present, underlying sense of anxiety was important to keep Thomas alive. It kept him observant and down to earth. It kept him moving and productive. 

And then there was Janus, even though he mainly represented deceit— falsehoods and fallacy— was still valued as important due to the side effect of also representing self care. The importance of putting yourself before others. Nurturing Thomas and taking time to make sure that he was doing alright was just another part of his main function. 

But what did Remus have? Nothing. At least nothing good. Every single thing about him was horrible, despicable. Nothing about him could push Thomas forward. In fact, Remus’ very existence held him back— pulling him away from his goals, not toward them.

And that’s why Remus knew that this day would come. The day where Janus got accepted. The day where Janus’ door disappeared from the dark corner of the subconscious and completely shrouded the area in darkness. 

He didn’t— would never— blame Janus. He couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault that Remus split from his brother. He didn’t even blame Patton, who was an indirect cause of the split. There was no one to blame. 

No one to blame but himself. He was the one who secretly hoped, prayed, that he would get accepted. That Thomas could spare him from being alone in the dark, that he could instead be with Janus and the other light sides. And maybe, hopefully, be seen as useful.

But he wasn’t. He was useless. Easily replaceable with his much better brother. 

There was a common phrase that Remus knew and took to heart: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

And that’s what he did. He counted each and every egg dozens of times. Gotten his hopes too high, only to be disappointed when none of the eggs hatch. 

Remus shivered, bringing his knees to his chest. Was it always this cold? Janus kept heating lamps around every corner so there was always a sense of warmth and comfort in the dark side mindscape. 

His body filled with a sense of dread. Tears pricked his eyes. He knew this feeling all too well. This time was different though. This time Janus wasn’t here to stop the torrent of violent thoughts beginning to plague his mind.

He imaged fire. The smoke filled his lungs and smothered each breath. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The fire licked his fingers and toes, leaving tiny bits of cinders in its wake. He watched himself slowly turn to ash, powerless to stop the flames that were slowly consuming everything around him. 

He imagined being encapsulated in ice. Struggling to grasp a full breath of air as the chilling wind ruffled it’s cruel fingers through his hair. The ice slowly creeping on his limbs, freezing everything under his skin, leaving his appendages shriveled with a plum purple color. A color that kind of reminded him of Virgil. 

The thought wasn’t comforting.

He imagined drowning. Sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Bubbles flurrying from his nose and mouth out into the open sea. Salty water flooding his body, dragging him further down into the inky abyss of the bottom. His hand reaches out toward the sun as his vision blurs and goes black. 

Remus could feel the pull of hot tears falling down his face and cheeks. His chest and lungs hurt, had he been screaming? Sobs wracked in his body. His head was pounding and he somehow knew that he had slammed his head on the wall.

The dread filled his body again, stronger. More images flashed in his head in rapid succession. Janus’ scales slowly being picked off one by one with him crying and screaming. Virgil’s eyes completely whited out with black ooze slowly dripping from his nose and mouth. Patton cracking and crumbling to dust from heartbreak. Logan glitching and powering off, like a robot, never to be turned on again.

He heard screaming now and barely registered it as his own. His screaming blended with Roman’s as he got impaled by his own sword by the Dragon Witch. One of Remus’ few contributions to imagination, killing the very person he swore to protect so many years ago. Before they split for good. Before he was cast off and left alone.

He still thinks about that vow sometimes.

Remus was alone. All alone in the dark. Alone in the dark with his thoughts. He couldn’t help but briefly wonder if anyone could hear his shrill cries for help.

**Author's Note:**

> Should I make a part two with a lot of comfort? My friends were yelling at me and telling me to comfort the poor boy.


End file.
